DOG SOAP??

I got a “bone” to pick with the makers of Safeguard Soap…

There are many degrees of shrinkflation – more than six, in fact – but this has to be one of the most egregious because it’s hidden. Well, hidden until you get home, the missus opens a box, and asks me why I bought Dog Soap when we don’t have a dog.

I mean seriously, Safeguard, secreting a dumbbell-shaped (seems there’s no actual descriptive word for it) bar inside the regular old rectangular box is just sneaky, and opening the box made me feel like, er, the shape of your sneaky soap.

Even worse – at least, worse for me as the author/exposer of Safeguard’s shenanigans – I bought THREE bars so I could ascertain whether said shenanigans weren’t confined to only one variety.

As George “Dubya” Bush once said, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice – if you fool me you can't be fooled again."

One might say I was fooled thrice, but don’t y’all tell Dubya or his head might explode like the bald dude in that scene (you know the one) from “Scanners.”

But I, once again, am digressing… so shame on Safeguard for fooling anyone with their bald-faced dog soap scam.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m foaming at the mouth with impotent rage, bathed in sweat and I need a shower. Good thing I’ve got 3 bars of “dog soap”… and thanks to Safeguard’s cheap cheesiness, they’ll be used up much faster (one might say, more rabidly) than you’d expect.